Thank you to everyone who has responded and reached out from my last post. I truly appreciate all of your support. I would also like to take this chance to mention to friends and family that, per mom's request, no visitors.
Being an optimist (usually), one of my absolute favorite days to celebrate is New Years. It feels like everything is brand new. A blank page to continue our story on. Like a fresh blanket of snow has fallen on the muddy mess we've been living in. But...
In reality, we started 2018 in the same condition we left 2017. Nothing is wiped away, problems are still there from the day before, that mud is still there, under the snow. Resolutions are made, and quickly forgotten. The only thing that happens is that we start counting the days over.
I was told the other day to not let what we're going through "harden" me. I had been thinking about this the other day too. I know it is. I feel hard already. This got me thinking though, have I always been hard? I try to see a whole situation rather than a side, I tend to take the logical and realistic approach during a discussion. I talk myself out of opinions I thought I had. Sometimes my views and the way I express them, do come across as hard. Maybe I'm not as optimistic as I thought I was.
In one instance I worry that I'm too hard, and in the next I'm crying. This is a hard process, and I just keep reminding myself: It's ok to feel however I need to. Just like I told A, there is no right way to feel about what we're going through.
My advise- Don't judge a book by it's cover. I may be smiling sometimes, but the pain inside is beyond description.
*To anyone else who may have gone, or may be going through this... I feel for you. I know it's feels like no one else understands how you feel, but there are some of us who do. Reach out.
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