Mom,
You have experienced something that all of us will at some point. No one knows their time, but it is an inevitable finality we all must face. The one single finality that, ironically, cannot be described or shared with anyone before their turn to face it.
It has been almost 6 years since you left us here in the physical world, but I know your spirit is still here. I may miss some, but I do see your signs... The song that plays at just the right time, or the movement of red in the trees that catches my eye as that beautiful cardinal finds it's spot just out of reach. Close enough to keep a watchful eye on me. I am appreciative that you keep a respectful distance when it comes to the girls. They fully understand spirit and know that it exists here, guiding us... But I know that Evelina has asked you to not be in her house. She's still scared, and at 8, she hasn't yet reached the understanding without fear. Aracelli is one with spirit most of the time. My beautiful empath.
So many things have changed over the last 6 years, and I've learned so much about myself. I found strength I didn't know I had in me. One of the hardest lessons that I continue to work on daily is how to be the caring person I am but hold some boundaries. I only ever want others to succeed and be the happiest they can be... Learning to do this while preserving my own well-being is the hardest lesson yet.
This last year has held some of the biggest challenges for me. From starting the year out with Covid to a month later starting the losing 6 month battle between me and my gallbladder, it's been stressful to say the least... But at the same time I have made some of the biggest steps too. I finally got myself evaluated for ADHD. Guess what?! You were right, I definitely have it! I've decided to use my struggles as a voice to advocate to others that may be fighting the same battle. I'm happy I listened to my gut (and your words from years ago that replay in my head), because it's a whole new world now! I've found will power I never had... The weight is coming off and I know, if you could be you would be right here encouraging me and reassuring me every step of the way. Along with these things has come the confidence I lost over the years , and a voice to encourage others to find the same.
I still feel what I wrote in 2018 in reference to the beginning of the new year:
"A blank page to continue our story on. Like a fresh blanket of snow has fallen on the muddy mess we've been living in."
Thank you for continuing to guide me. I miss your presence here but always know you're around. Happy New Year in your spiritual world. We miss you here and love you!
~Les
